An Awkward Answer

A couple of spoiler alerts here. First, this blog is not going to fix the global crisis of climate change. I know, what a bummer. Second, if there are any “right answers” of where to begin, then I certainly don’t know them. But this blog isn’t about finding “right answers” or even proposing that they exist. It will collect the residue from my experiments in the real world and it will act as a stage for my mental wayfaring; it is a place for me to make sense of my spiritual growth and existential questions while coping with the shocking reality of the anthropocene.

This blog will follow my attempts at cultivating conversation on the issue of climate change. Moreover, it will be a record of my personal journey in breaking the personal and emotional barriers which have thus far prevented me from starting these conversations despite feeling a moral obligation to do so. The “what” “where” and “how” of my conversation-starting idea is still fairly vague, but I have a few preliminary ideas which will hopefully be refined through a lot of trial and error (and, most importantly, without the fear of failure). My plans include attending town meetings, connecting with the Students for Environmental Action club, hosting community meetings or dinner parties to discuss the issue, and literally walking up to random people on campus/in public places and start talking about climate change.

Displaced from any intellectual understanding of the issue, I decided to pursue the idea of starting conversation for reasons which relate more to my personal history. Until recently, much of my life has been a result of my extremely introverted nature. Even as a toddler I didn’t start speaking until very late and this meekness continued with me through much of school. Eventually I came to understand the great benefits of talking more but even then it was a struggle; after fear shut my mouth time and time again, eventually I felt that I simply didn’t have anything to say. It became ingrained in my identity, and battles with social anxiety ensued when I tried to breach my self-imposed limitations.

Of course, I am in college now and these problems are almost entirely behind me, but there are times when I feel that my struggle to connect has merely taken a more socially-acceptable form. I don’t have much trouble relating to people anymore, but I rarely show vulnerability or open myself up to social failure. I am seldom the one to start the important conversation of openly discussing moral issues (and I DO see climate change as a moral issue) with someone with different views, normally due to fear of being perceived as judgmental or intrusive.

I’m still wayfaring my way through the anthropocene, of course, but if I’ve learned anything from my existential battle with shyness then it’s this: maybe my answer lies in that thick, scary air floating between my high school self and his lab partner. Or in the latent awkwardness around the dinner table where his extended family devours some pleasing, politically correct conversation since they “shouldn’t talk about politics”. Maybe that’s not THE answer to the anthropocene, but maybe it’s my answer. Because if it’s awkward to talk about how our lifestyles and our values will play out in the lives of our children and in the lives of those around the world — if it’s awkward to go out of the way to start talking about the largest problem our generation will ever face — then I think diving headfirst into some uncomfortable conversation is a hell of a place to start.

Follow me there.