First, a (very) quick update. I’ve continued working with Green Apple Bikes and I even sat at a table in Bosco plaza on Wednesday to spread the word about GAB and recruit volunteers. Since the food coop idea is such a long-term thing, there is relatively little to report on in terms of updates. However, we’re in touch with the entrepeneurship program about working with them (and getting funding) to launch our idea. But this blog post is supposed to be about something else — my transformation.
So, here’s a quick summary of the semester in regards to significant events which comprise my transformation. First off, I’ve never been active in class discussion, and this class changed that. In fact, with the exception of a methods class last fall semester, this was the first class in which I had ever made ANY single piece of contribution to class discussion (yeah, I realize how crazy that is). The not-so-open-to-discussion format of many classes can partially account for this, but my lack of contributing was mainly due to the introverted nature that I spoke about in my first blog post. I’ve found that it makes all the difference. It’s the difference between watching knowledge being disbursed and playing a part in creating that knowledge. For me, there’s no going back.
Then, I made myself uncomfortable in other ways. I spoke to gas-station cashiers about climate change (lolz). I cried about climate change and used it as a way to deepen my understanding, and I was proud of it. I became vegetarian (which I’m still doing by the way) and I pushed myself by daring others to do the same (which I hope they’re still doing). Then, I reevaluated my own relationship to my assignments and tried to find something that I found more intrinsically fulfilling, something that I wouldn’t have to dress up with dazzling language. Something that I could continue with beyond this class. I reached out to Green Apple Bikes, and, more importantly, started pursing the idea of bringing organic and well-grown food to campus in the form of a food tent and an eventual food coop. It brought me to conquer my introverted nature with public speaking, and it forced me to change certain habits of thinking. For example, it forced me to reconsider this idea that I couldn’t do anything because of a lack of expertise. I thought that the people who DID THINGS, whether it be starting a club or starting a protest etc., somehow knew what they were doing or possessed a level of expertise that I simply did not have. I’ve found that something as simple as TRYING to do something beyond the level of the individual, when done with the spirit of confident wayfaring, is enough to start to gain this “expertise” and help construct the world you live in rather than be complacent as a passive bystander. I found that the community involvement which comes with trying to collectively change/construct our world can connect you to some cool people — people that share your passions and people that can have fun while also making a difference. These insights are simple but powerful; because of them, I plan on being involved in local environmental initiatives for the rest of my life; not for self-validation and not for an idealistic notion of saving the world, but for the simple reason that it is fun, it is social, it makes a difference, and it exercises a social imagination that is seldom used and always needed.
Aside from the “lived” dimension of my journey through this class, I found that its lessons in thinking helped me conceive of the anthropocene and myself in new ways. My understanding of creating change has trascended the level of the individual and is redirected towards technologies and assemblages. And I found that, in many ways, the problems facing the anthropocene are the problems I face within myself. “Loving your monsters” as a critique of modernism is something that I found intellectually and personally enlightening, as the patterns of thinking endemic to modernism — that of assuming that the reasons for past problems are knowable and fixable and if you try hard enough then some indefinite future will be free of consequences and risk — are firmly established within my own thought patterns. The concept of “wayfaring”, and the idea that one can think and act at the same time, is one of the most profound and personally-applicable concepts I have ever learned. In short, I found that the way to approach the anthropocene is also the way to approach the world and my own life.