Gomowilé

What do I want?

Honestly, I want to not be extrinsically motivated to do something creative; especially something as potentially artful and cathartic as writing. I am instinctively resistant to the task, and to a fault, I know.

As someone that enjoys being lost in creative pursuits, I struggle with a combination of cascade thought and writer’s block. When I learned we would be expected to blog for this course; I got almost no sense of joy out of it, at first. Instead, there was dread, and anxiety. To be straight, I’ve always wanted to start a blog, but just didn’t. And in fact, have been encouraged on multiple occasions to do so by a particularly good friend of mine that is the founder, CEO, and Editor in Chief of a rising and stand-out independent news company.

But, when I start a blog; what if my classmates judge me harshly, or worse, the public at large? Wait. What’s that thing I often say about opinions on the internet? Oh yeah, Idgafff. Readers choice as to how the extra-‘f’s are intended.

Okay, so… so what? What if I never blog? Then what? Well, what if… I never get out of my own way? Harsh words, bro.

The extrinsic v. intrinsic thing is often discussed in circles of psychology, rhetoric, and anthropology. It has its place in a method of understanding barriers to data gathering and statistical analysis; for example, what motivates a person to not-participate in a survey, or why might someone opt-in and then back out of an experimental treatment study? It can be discussed in terms of ethnography and geographic information systems [GIS] when analysing human migration. Or, it can guide evolutionary biology when observing ritual mating, or adaptations to ecological carry capacity.

The environment plays a very strong extrinsic role on what is or is not possible; however with time has become less deterministic with humans as compared to other organisms. Contrast to the host of remaining plants, viruses, fungi, and animalia, there exist few domains beyond the scope of human endeavor. For instance, I would be impressed if scientists developed a submersible to withstand the plunge into a volcanic caldera, and had it return with raw data.

epa04645554 A general view of the volcano Villarrica erupting near Villarrica, some 750 kilometers south of Santiago de Chile, in Chile, 03 March 2015. More than 4,000 people have been evacuated due to the risk of floods from snow melting on the volcano’s slopes following the eruption. EPA/FRANCISCO NEGRONI

One environment that plays a major role in intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation and environmental possibilism versus determinism is the socially constructed environments we all participate in. One obvious construction is the educational institution, be it public or private. Perhaps as daunting as a flaming caldera, the individual institution and its practices become a significant source of extrinsic pressures for students. Of course, students want the A, and to perform well at extracurricular pursuits. On some scale, the institution appears to be a thing that exists as an extension of a collective of individuals, but also existing independently of the individuals. Like a human, the institution may change according to its hosts and the input it receives, (ex: faculty, staff, grounds and maintenance, and students). And meanwhile, it is a also microcosm within its varying communities at large (ex: Manhattan, Riley County, Kansas, the board of regents, and the Big 12). What motivates the institution extrinsically or intrinsically? Perhaps that’s a discussion for later. But what’s certain is that it exists, and it is motivated, just as I am or you are.

Whether intrinsic or extrinsic motivation; what is their essence?

Arguably, pressure. What does any one do with pressure? Adapt, or die. Or in many cases, adapt or stagnate, which could be argued as just a buoyancy until death. Like a trapped bit of pollen in a pond. A seed planting nothing, nowhere, destined to be consumed and discarded as waste where it lies (lays? Lain. No. That’s not even a word, where was I?).

SEEDS can do more.

There goes that cascade of consciousness…

Extrinsic motivation is arguably what has driven adaptation, natural selection, and speciation over the few billions of years since the crust has cooled. The variation in elevation on that crust can impact pulminary development in the Andes mountains, or bio-lumenescence at unfathomable depths below sea level. Here in Manhattan, Kansas, we may become more intrinsically motivated to succeed at school and vocation when becoming at odds with “the real world”, at least at entry level. Baristas, cashiers, and deli-workers know how to have fun despite their respective roles, and the frequent confliction those roles present with studies, but there’s one thing we all have faith in: that enduring these pressures will elevate our game for the real “the real world”. Whatever that turns out to be.

What tends to guide an individual’s decision with regard to how to responses to pressure is an understanding of reward, coercion, and risk. Often, these are calculated without consciously thinking. With practice, it can become instinct. Some things a person just knows how to act upon with certain experience. But, humans live in an age in which big challenges loom near, and simultaneously at a distance. How does a person approach climate change, global warming, decline in biodiversity, or the Pacific plastic gumbo?

Who’s applying all this pressure? Whose interpretation of perfection is even at work?

Personally, I struggle to approach some things because of a ridiculous habit of perfectionism. It can often be debilitating and influenced extrinsically and intrinsically at the same time. It is more often punishing than it is rewarding, and it seems to ironically follow a safe and boring path. It’s a sick joke. When a person takes less risk; they’re able to devote time and energy on perfecting whatever it is they try – be it a painting, a novel, a capital venture, or a relationship. What ends up lost in the pursuit of perfecting that one thing becomes unknowable with time. With time opportunities may slip, and never return.

There is a balance of time and energy, in life anyway. The thing about dreams, especially big ones that acknowledge big challenges, is that they often tend to remain dreams until the dreamer wakes up to the opportunities they have. Take a first step. With that first, the immediate terrain immediately changes, along with the horizon, and suddenly the overall perspective is shifted; if only slightly. The new perspective allows a survey of new options, and, being guided by the wisdom of the past, one may take a well informed step in yet a new direction. Not all paths will lead to the intended goal, but only the will to try will lead to discovery. Each time this cycle continues as I make choices, and choices come easier with love in place of fear. Eventually, rhythm takes hold, and steps yield opportunities to leap.

So, what do I really want?

I want a Kansas with decriminalized cannabis. I want cultivation, industry, and consumption to be as normal as trip to the grocery store. It excites me! It gives me wild anxiety, and fear of “what if”. “Look at all of the hurdles! What if I try and I fail miserably?”

So, what’s the harm in trying?

Acknowledging, and stating it openly is my first step. I see a horizon with a lot of variables between me and the outcome I desire. I’ll be okay if I choose one and go with it, and without fear. I want to go. Go more with less. Less is more. Less fear. Less perfectionism. Less self-imposed, often subconscious, barriers. Less hyper-analysis. Less energy and less time spent. Less words. All of it. I will go more with less. Screw it, less letters. Gomowilé .

So, while I bemoan extrinsic motivators to creativity; I further acknowledge the value in adapting to the pressures of my social environment, like any other, in a constructive way. Often times, these initiations and engagements are basic primers for survival in “the real world”. Whatever that is.

– Nathan R. LaGrou